Waiting room

I am lost and on my own. Empty and full at the same time. Overwhelmed and confused...I touched heaven with my hands and I could feel it. I wasn't dreaming, it was real...it was different, but it was just right. Every breath I took was soothing. My wounds wouldn't hurt anymore, or at least they weren't in my sight...Something pleasant had appeared at last. I could feel it. The fall...I knew it was coming sometime, happily ever after is just for cartoons, and I should have known...All of a sudden I was free falling. I could see every single cloud I had past on my way up drifting away in the blink of an eye. There I was, on the ground...hurt and alone, empty handed and lost.
Is not having an answer to the "Is everything alright?" question a possibility? It's crazy...It's crazy how I can feel so much going on inside me but yet, I can't find enough words to describe it. Although I feel overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings, I am full of emptiness. How can you be full with emptiness? How am I even supposed to solve my problems if every time I try, so many other questions arise?
I am tired of trying...tired of tripping and falling over and over again, and karma I am not blaming you this time. I am young, but is making so many mistakes an option? If I would have known that before I might have thought of taking chances twice...Somebody could have warned me, leaving a post-it on my door would have been totally okay with me, you know?
I am standing, holding this imaginary thread in which I am holding onto, the one I don't want to let go of hoping that it will lift me up again to that heavenly feeling I used to float in, and it is starting to hurt. I am facing thousands of doors and although I have the keys, I still want to go back to the old door, the one that made me feel so at home. New feels scary...new is unknown and, therefore, uncertain, and new definitively eliminates old. It's crazy, how doors close unannounced and going back is not an option at all.

I turn backwards and I see nothing... Memories scream in my mind blurring my thoughts. I wasn't ready for it, but now everything I felt is gone, every gleam of happiness has been sucked by a black hole of cynicism. The door has closed and the lock has been changed. The thread? There is nothing tied in its end but my dignity and the memories that used to fulfil my soul. It is sad that I can't even take a peep in the door that used to feel mine, because I am not part of that room anymore.

In life sometimes we are kicked out of our present and stand in the middle of a room, facing new doors and moving backwards is not an option...These waiting rooms we are in while we decide which path to follow aren't stable, oxygen doesn't last long...You can choose to die or to survive by taking chances and seeking for shelter in some other door.
I can't breathe anymore...I am drowning in confusion and breathing problems. My body is tired of swimming in quicksand, paralysed by fear. I am screaming your name. but you won't open the door.
I close my eyes, no expectations, no disappointments. No trust, no regrets. I am in pain, but I won't let anybody help me, and I will wait...I will wait for that door to open again. I will wait to feel somebody pulling on the other extreme of my thread.

Save me.